“Dude, we’re the only good part of this show! I know, tee-hee…”


That’s it. I officially give up on award shows, those self-indulgent, culturally irrelevant ego trips par excellence. Stick a fork in them, they’re done. I’m even tempted to not watch the Oscars now, which, admittedly, lost a lot of credibility when this film won Best Picture ten years ago, but hasn’t exactly been hitting home runs recently either (sorry Paul Haggis, but you ain’t David Lean yet).

The final nail in the coffin for me was the gawd awful Grammys a couple days ago; while the Grammys have near-bottomless capacity for farce and unintentional humour (let’s give it up for Toto and Milli Vanelli!), this year’s show demonstrated two irrefutable facts about the record industry (read: not the music industry, which is doing great):

1) The record industry still clings to Baby Boomer notions of what is “cool” and “hip” with plodding, hubristic musical numbers that pay tribute to bands that haven’t been cool since 1980;

2) The folks in charge of the Grammys are a bunch of homers that have no clue.

Now, let’s go on a couple of assumptions here about the show. First off, the way the Grammys were structured this year felt like the music producers decided “hey, let’s get the kids in by making the music acts line up like an iPod Shuffle – you never know what comes next!”

This was done with, *gulp*, Carrie Underwood, Rascal “We’re Only A Cover Band, Really” Flatts, James Blunt, Earth Wind & Fire, *sigh*… arragh. Ok, you get the point here. Lameness all around…

Second, who thought it was a good idea to create the American Idol-inspired My Grammy Moment? Justin Timberlake’s one moment to shine and do his thing with T.I. for My Love… and he sings with someone whom has never actually had a recording contract? Please, is this how the old folks in charge of the Grammys view the young of America today? Man, that’s lame.

Finally, while it’s pretty common knowledge that country is one of the few musical genres that still retains decent CD sales, how much of an insult is it to artists like Corinne Bailey Rae that Carrie Underwood won for Best New Artist? Sorry, but didn’t she already win a major industry prize that essentially manufactured her into being a star?

Just like the even more lame Junos, the Grammys may have jumped the shark years ago but people still flock to them en masse.

Music award shows are officially dead and irrelevant. Good on Pink to show her obvious, soul-deadening frustration at awarding The Doors (man, what year is this?) a Lifetime Achievement Award. At least someone had the balls to admit what a gong show the Grammys are.

TORO MAGAZINE: Crappy news – Toro’s been cancelled. Yet another major Canadian magazine bites the dust after only four years of operation (although in Canada, that’s pretty good).

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